Monday 29 June 2015

What are good strategies for getting rid of a bad habit?

Dear,

How do you know whether a particular habit is good or bad? How do you decide?

It has been told to us earlier, that what is good and what is bad.

You have been  told earlier that what is good and what is bad. That is the way we go  about deciding everything – what is right, what is wrong, what is fair,  what is unfair – on the basis of criteria that has been given to us in  advance. That this is good, this is bad.

Once you know, once you really-really  know that what is harmful to you, that what will cause suffering to you,  will you still go ahead and do it? Once you see the entire cause-effect  chain, do you still go ahead and do it? Once you seeyourself,  not just believe in somebody’s words, not just believe what your  parents have told you, or what society has told you, or what religion  has told you, once you see it yourself, do you still continue doing it?

For example, my religion tells me that  eating non-vegetarian food, eating animal flesh, is bad. I am a ‘Jain’  by religion. So for me, eating meat is bad. But do I really know for  myself that what is meat and what is meant by meat consumption? Do I  really understand? I don’t understand, but I may still not eat meat.  This abstinence from eating meat is purely a habit given by somebody  else. Right? But you will call this ‘a good habit’. Hence you have  created two words, ‘good habit’ and ‘bad habit’.

I want to ask you a question. What is the  definition of ‘habit’? Have you ever tried to understand that what is  the definition of habit?

Anything that we do daily.

Anything that you do daily. But whatever you do daily, is that a habit? Will you call it a ‘habit’?
 

Yes? Is merely the act of doing a habit? Or is habit something else?

It depends on our interest.

Interest? Does  habit depend on interest? If it is really of your interest, then why do  you want to get rid of of it? And if it is of your interest, then do you  need it as a habit? Out of interest you will do it. But you need it as a  habit. So, interest is sufficient.

So, a habit means two things. One, there is a pattern, we do it  regularly. Second, we do it without understanding. We do it without  being conscious. We are not really aware that this is happening. It just  happens because of habit. And if somebody asks you that why do you do  this, then you will say, “Oh! It’s a habit with me.” So that is habit.

There is no utilization of the mind. You  don’t even think while doing. It just happens like in a machine. A  button is pressed and the system starts operating, without understanding  that why it is operating that way. That is a habit.

In the  moments when the habit functions, we do not even know what we do. Later  on we may recall, we may repent, we may feel bad. But when the habit is  taking place, we have no awareness, and hence no power. You are  powerless at that moment. Right in front of the habit, you are totally  powerless. Is that so? Yes, there is a force of the habit, and that  force is the pattern of the habit. Am I right?


Awareness is understanding. Do you really  understand that why you are not eating meat? Do you really understand  that why you are killing the animal? You are born in a particular  religion, so since childhood you are told that eating meat is bad. So  you do not eat meat. But do you really understand what is meat-eating?  Do you really understand what is meant by killing? That is a habit.  Habit is that which you do regularly, but without understanding.  Whatever we do regularly, but do not understand is a habit

Whatever we do  regularly but don’t understand, is a habit. Can there be good habits?  Can there be good habits at all? Because if you say that something is a  good habit, then you are also saying that not understanding is good.  Because a habit by definition means- “I don’t understand but I do.” Can  anything be a good habit?

So let this come to you very clearly, very strongly. No habit is a good habit.
Habit by definition means- “I am doing it  just because of conditioning. I am doing it just because I am  habituated. I am doing it just because there is a pattern from the past  that I am following.”

The question then arises: why do we call  something as a good habit? Because we have been told that certain things  are good and certain things are bad, so we have started calling some  habits as ‘good’ and some habits as ‘bad’.
The question asked was: “How do I get rid  of my bad habits?” The question asked should have been: “How to get rid  of all habits, whether good or bad?” Can all of us ask this question:  “How to lead a habit-free life?” Is that not a more important question  to ask? How to lead a life which is entirely free of habits?

“I don’t have any habits. Whatever I do, I  do out of my understanding. I don’t need habits. I am aware, and every  action is happening out of that awareness. Every action is happening in  that awareness. I don’t need habits. Habits are needed only by those who  are half-asleep.”

Do you understand what is meant by being  really aware? A truck is coming towards you and you are immediately  sensing that danger. The entire mechanism of knowing is functioning with  great sensitivity. You don’t even have to think, and you know. You will  not say, “Oh! It is my habit to walk in the middle of the road.” The  moment you see a truck coming, what do you do? You jump away. Or do you  say that it is my habit to walk in the middle of the road? You won’t  have time to make such a foolish statement. That is what I mean by being  really aware. To understand the urgency of the situation. To be in  contact with the danger ahead. To know what it is really.

But there is a problem. The problem is of  time. When the truck is there in front of you, just twenty meters away,  then you can see within a fraction of a second that it will hit you.  But when you are drinking alcohol, then you cannot see that you are  dying. Because dying is still many years ahead. The truck will hit you  right now, but when you are drinking alcohol, you will not die right  now. When will you die? May be a few months, a few years, or a few  decades later. So you cannot be alive to the danger of what you are  doing right now. That is the thing.

To be really intelligent means to see the  entire cause-effect chain in one instance, right now. “Right now I can  see what will be the result of what I am doing. Time is not needed. Yes,  there may be a time-interval of ten-twelve years, but those ten years  cannot deceive me. I will not be fooled by those ten years. As I am  doing this action right now, I am able to see the results right now. I  don’t have to wait for ten years. I will not deceive myself. I will see  the repercussions in this moment itself. I will not tell myself, ‘Oh!  The future is so far ahead. Let me enjoy this right now.” That’s what we  tell us, right?

But it is said, “Live in the present.”

“Live in the present” is such a beautiful thing to say, but we misuse it. Right? By living in the present what we mean is- being asleep in the present. That do whatever you want to do  now, and don’t bother to understand it. Is that the meaning of living in  the present? Living in the present means- to pay attention right now.

I assure you that  habits are powerless. Just see what you are doing. And to really see  what you are doing, you just need to pause for a while and pay  attention. To get rid of habit, you don’t have to label it as ‘good’ or  ‘bad’. That if it is a ‘bad’ habit, you will want to get rid of it. And  if it is a good habit, you will keep on doing it, without understanding  it.

The moment you prohibit something, the  moment you forbid something, the mind wants to do it. Is that not the  nature of the mind? The moment you forbid something, it will do  it. Don’t we do all those things that are forbidden? And we feel  especially good when we break a rule or a law. Don’t we feel good when  you do that? “Yes, I displayed my masculinity. I am somebody. I did all  those forbidden things.”

According to Abrahmic tradition, there is  a story about how man came on earth. In Abrahamic tradition, they say  that God first made Adam and Eve. He told them not to eat the apple. So,  there is one man, one woman, a large forest. And they were very happy.  Who cares for one apple? There is so much in the forest. And there was,  of course, the rule of the serpent and all that. But because God  prohibited them to eat the apple, they tasted the apple. And because of  this, they were expelled from heaven and sent to earth.

That psychology of man has not changed.  It is still continuing till today. A habit is just a habit, and it is  only stupidity. No habit is a good habit. All habits imply that you are  not living, that you are just acting out of your conditioning. Whenever  you are in habit, you are not really alive. Do not condemn your habits  out of morality. Do not say, “My habits are bad.” Just say, “This is a  habit.” And when something is a habit, it makes you stupid, and nobody  likes to be stupid. Right?

A habit prevents you from living fully. A  habit prevents you from acting consciously. When you understand, you do  not need habit. When you really know in attention, then habit becomes  powerless. Whatever small things that you do throughout the day, start  paying attention to them. Ask yourself, “Is this happening because I am  aware, conscious. Or is this happening because I am habituated?”

When you meet a friend, what do you  do? You wave a hand at your friend. Ask yourself, “Was it because of  friendship and love that I waved my hand, or is it so that it has become  a habit with me that whenever I see an acquaintance, I just wave my  hand?” And if is just a habit, then pull your hand back. Stupid habit.  Stupid habit.
Even at this moment, ask yourself, “Am I  really listening, or my thoughts are wandering?” And if your thoughts  are wandering, then ask yourself, “Did I want my thoughts to go here and  there, or is it just the habit that whenever I sit down, my mind starts  wandering?” So, come back. Wherever you are, come back.

Habit is a mechanical way of living.

Only attention  is needed. Whatever you call as a ‘good habit’ is as dead as ‘a bad  habit’. This again is such a good demonstration. There is a fan. I  press the button on and the fan starts moving. Does the fan understand  why it is moving in such a way? Does the fan understand?

This is a habit.
Do you understand what you are doing? Ask  yourself, “If something is happening, is it happening out of attention  and understanding? Do I know respect? Do I know love? Or am I just  habituated? Just doing, without understanding.”

If it is coming out of your  understanding, then it is not a habit. So pay attention and understand.  Then you will be free of habits.

I  have elaborated a lot on this topic, in my blog "Words into Silence".  For better understanding and clarity I would advice you to read the  articles posted there.

RD

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