Monday, 29 June 2015

What would you do to get your ex-girlfriend back?

You know, it was Kabir who said:

ये तो घर है प्रेम का, खाला का घर नाहिं । 
सीस उतारे भुँई धरे, तब बैठें घर माहिं ॥

You will have to die. And obviously it is  not death of the physical kind. When Kabir says, ‘Cut your head before  you can enter the house of love’, what does he mean? What does this denote?

This denotes the sum total of your past. This denotes the absolute sum  total of your past, your attitude, your conditioning that you carry  forward. You cannot get your ex-girlfriend back if you continue to be  the same person who broke up. Are you getting it?

After all there was a context to the  breakup. Am I right? If you are the same person who broke up, how will  you engage with her again? To engage with her again you will have to be  an absolutely new, fresh person, that old fellow must die. Unless the  old dies there is no possibility of a new relationship. Is  this becoming clear?

 You are your entire worldview, you are  the entire set of beliefs that you are carrying about yourself, about  the world, including your girlfriend. That’s what you are in your head.  And that is why Kabir says, ‘Chop it off’. But that’s not so easy,  because we have grown great attachment to those dead beliefs, to all the  residue of the past. We think that if it goes away, something very  important goes away. We think that it is the essential ‘I’, how can we  let it go off?
  • ‘How do I get rid of it? These beliefs  that I have been carrying since a very long time, this attitude has  become my identity. How can I get rid of it, and if I get rid of it what  will remain?’ This is a great fear.
  • There is a  great security in clinging to the known, in clinging to the past, but  that security is a totally dead thing

A relationship is lively. You cannot  remain in the past and yet have a living relationship with anything, not  only with your girlfriend, but with anything, anybody, not with your  parents, not with your teachers, not with your friends, not with books,  not with anything. 
  • If you remain anchored in the past, then you will  never come to the new. And this moment is always new, this moment is  always new.

The past will have to die. The false will  have to die. When the past dies, then you see the present. When the  false dies, then you see the truth. Getting it?

Love is not far away, you don’t have to  achieve it. Truth is not far away, neither is joy. They are all very  close.

Have you ever bothered to know  that why it comes to a breakup? It’s not only about the ‘girlfriend’.  Have you ever bothered what is the cause of all conflict in the world?  Boyfriend breaks up with girlfriend, husband fights with wife, friends  can’t get together, nations are quarreling with each other, communities  are fighting with each other, and all this is just the same.

Have you ever bothered to know that why there is conflict in life?
  • There is conflict in life because man  lives in a virtual reality. There is that which is real, present, and  there is that which you imagine to be there. So you are here but your  mind would be somewhere else, in your imaginations. There is a reality,  and there is a virtual reality in the mind which is false, fake.

Usually people break up because they find  that they are not meeting each others expectations. You know, one of  the things that is usually said at the time of break up is: ‘You are not  the same person anymore’. ‘I am breaking up with you because you are  not the same fellow anymore.’

Now, how is that possible? The fellow is  what he is. What do you mean by, ‘you are not the same man or woman  anymore’? What you mean is, ‘I am carrying an image of you, and your  reality does not conform to that image. There is a clash between the  image that I am carrying of you from the past, and what you really are’,  and hence there is conflict and all kind of violence, pain, suffering,  and eventually breakup.

Approach her, approach the present in all  freshness. It is there, right now. Let those memories, let those images  be present just as an information, but let them not interfere with what  is. Let them not become a substitute to what is, and then see the  magic. Are you prepared to die?
  • Love is not for the faint-hearted.
  • Love  is not for those who come to it as a mental, physical need.
  • A man who is  not self-aware can never come to love.
  • Love is not for stupid people,  it is great intelligence.
  • Love is not for those who remain within the  boundaries of their past and their conditioning, or for those who think  that their hormonal surge is what love is all about.
Love will require tremendous  self-awareness, a free mind, a mind which is not held captive by various  external forces. And then you will see the quality of being free  joyfully, that beautiful relating which you call as ‘love’, then that  will come to you.


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