Why do we fail?

Dear,

What does the mind always want? Success or Failure?

Success! Right? Running after success, do  we ever stop running? Have you ever come across someone who says that I  am finally successful now?

Do you understand the meaning of the  word,’finally’? Nothing after this, final, full stop! ‘I fully well and  finally know that I am successful and my chase stops here. After this no  more thoughts of getting this, or obtaining this.’ Have you ever come  across a person who says this?

So, you are continuously running after  success, without ever getting any final success. Right? Intermittently  you get the illusion of success, that is alright. You did something and  you felt successful in that, but it is never final. Is it ever final?  Sooner than later you discover, ‘Oh my god! Not sufficient. I want more,  I want more!’ And that ‘more’ never suffices. Right?

Are we then ever successful? We are  running after success, that is alright. But are we ever successful?  Remember if we are actually successful, then we will stop running after  success. Not getting it? Are we ever successful? We are never  successful. I know that it is hard to admit. But go and find a man who  is really successful. You will have a hard time. You won’t find such a  man who is really successful, who says, ‘Success is mine now, I am not  running after it anymore.’ You won’t find such a man.

So, we are never successful. Right? If we  are not successful. What is the word that we can apply to ourselves  then? Failure. Anybody who runs after success is condemning himself to  failure. The very chase for success is failure. The moment you start  chasing success, you have already failed. But our ignorance lies in not  realising that we have already failed. We remain hopeful. We say, ‘Yes I  have failed, but I still have motivation. I will still go and conquer  the mountains. I will go and pluck the stars from the heaven.’

Failures we already are, but we don’t  realise it, because realising this would hurt us very badly. No? Try  doing that. Try telling somebody that you are a failure. Try telling  the man in the mirror that you are a failure.
Go, look at the mirror, and try telling  that man or woman in the mirror that you are a failure, and see how it  feels. How does it feel?

Bad! Our  self-esteem takes a beating. Right? We start feeling low. ‘Oh! Am I so  unworthy? I am a failure? The ‘F’ word, the bad ‘F’ word, Failure.’  Failures we are, but we don’t admit it. Who admits that? Nobody admits  that.

What does it mean  to say that ‘real success lies in failure’? It means that the one who  comes to realize that he is a failure, stops running after success. And  once he stops running after the success, that means that now he is  successful.

Realization of failure is success, running after success is failure.

If someone tells you to chase success,  ask him, ‘When will the chase end? Because if I am actually successful,  then the chase should end.’ Ask him that when will the chase end.  ‘Alright I will chase success. As per your advice I will chase success  but also tell me when will it end. And how will I know that it has  ended? And can you show me somebody for whom the chase has ended?’ Just  ask this much.

Just ask this much and you will realize,  what is really happening. Admit that human effort cannot get it, cannot  get the real thing, admit that. Surrender to that fact. Surrender to the  fact that the real juice of living lies in peace, and you will not get  peace by chasing success. Admit that love makes life worthy, and you do  not get love by chasing success. Admit that unless you are seated in the  Truth, you will keep suffering. And you do not sit in the Truth by  chasing something else. Admit that whenever you will chase, you will  only go away from your essence, from your real home.

We all are anyway meant to live in our  real home. All chase only takes you away, away, away… Failure means, ‘I  am not chasing anymore. I have realized the stupidity of chasing. I am  admitting my failure. Whenever I tried to chase, that was stupidity. I  admit my failure.’ That is what failure means, that ‘I admit.’

And the moment you admit, you surrender,  you give up your ego, you give up the restless tendency. You are  successful, already successful. When you admit you discover that you  should not have gone after it, it was already yours. There was no need  to run. You are already home.

Is that clear?

RD

How can one manage time more effectively?

So, you don't want to waste your time. Right?

But, first ask yourself.

What do you waste? 

Do you waste time, or do you also waste resources? 

You also waste life and you waste everything that comes to you.
 
Somebody who is wasteful, would he waste only time or would he waste a lot of other things as well? 

So, is time the real issue or is it ‘me’ that I should to talk about? 
What should I talk about?

When you ask that how to utilize time, you have made a very arrogant assumption. Your assumption is- ‘Everything is alright with me, it is just this small aspect of time utilization that I falter in. Everything else is good’. 

It is like this that there is something wrong with my entire physical system, my blood, my very blood has a lot of impurities and because of this there are a lot of symptoms that are showing up in my body: my heart is under-pressure, my kidneys are not functioning well, my lever is enlarged, I keep feeling sleepy, I keep forgetting, my brain doesn’t function properly, the blood is impure, there are few pimples on my face. 

I go to the doctor and say, ‘Sir, my problem is that I have a few pimples on my face’. Now, am I wise when I say that the pimple is my problem? Is my problem only that I have pimples? What is my problem? My entire being is my problem. My very blood is my problem. Right? But what am I focusing on? Pimples ! Now the doctor can give you a cream that will remove the pimples. 

Will that solve your problem? This pimple gone, another pimple will come up. Right or Wrong? Have you not seen that happen? It clears from here and comes somewhere else or sometimes at the same spot.


We don’t even know that what the real issue is. 

It is not about time at all. Don’t ask that how to manage time. Don’t ask that how to utilize time. Ask yourself, ‘How do I manage myself’? Because it is the self that is wasting the time. It is the self that is wasting everything that is around it. There are thousand opportunities that come to you, life itself is a grand opportunity, but the self is squandering all the opportunities. Not only time, everything else as well. 

So, we will go to the more basic question, to the more useful question and that is how to manage the mind, because it is the mind that wastes time. 

We will forget time.  
Nobody can manage time. Time just flows, time cannot be managed. What can be managed? The Self. My own mind that needs to be managed. We will look at that.


You need to then ask yourself, ‘What does my mind find attractive?’ What does your mind do most of the time? There are twenty-four hours in the day for everybody. Ask yourself that where do these twenty-four hours go. Where does my mind spend these twenty-four hours in? 

When you will look at this, you will come across your values. 

You will come to know what is it that is preferred in life. Because whatever you prefer in life is where you spend your time. 

If you have told yourself that the biggest pleasure in life is sleeping, then don’t be surprised if you find that you sleep eleven hours a day. ‘Why do I sleep eleven hours a day? Because I have thoroughly convinced myself that sleeping is the highest happiness’. 


Similarly, if you have convinced yourself that roaming around here and there, is the biggest pleasure that is possible, then don’t be surprised if you spend four hours gossiping, because you have told that to your own mind. 

We are looking at the mind now. Right? 
We have kept time behind, we are looking at the mind. 
We said that we will find out how do we spend our time. 
And when we find that out, we immediately come upon our values. 
‘What have I told myself to be valuable?’ 
Whatever you have told yourself to be valuable, you will find that your time is going there.


Let me ask this to you- to how many of you this happens that you want to find time for doing something but unable to find time for it? 
With how many of you does this happen?

Please be assured that somewhere you are convinced that the thing for which you cannot find time, that thing is not important. 

It is embedded deep in your psyche that it is not important. 

So, howsoever much you try, you will still find no time. 

Had it been really been important, had you been careful enough to really examine and see its importance, time would have made itself available, because there are twenty-four hours in a day for everybody. 

How is it possible that somebody finds time and somebody does not find time? You are the one who is allotting time and you allot the time according to your values. It is a question of values.

What do you find valuable?

‘I find it deeply valuable that one must sit with the family and watch television’. So, don’t be surprised if three hours a day you are doing that. ‘My definition of valuable friendship is when I talk 3 hours a day to somebody on mobile phone’.

So, don’t be surprised if you talk three hours a day on mobile phone. You are spending time exactly according to your values, not even a second is spent otherwise. 

Be convinced, time does not slip away. 
Time strictly follows your values. 

So, if you say that I don’t know, time just flies away, then you are deceiving yourself.

No, time never flies away.

Every second of it is controlled by your mind. If you do not find time for studying, the conclusion is obvious that you do not find studying valuable. In your value system, you do not accord priority to studying, that is why you cannot give time to studying. In your value system, had studying been important, time would have presented itself. 


Is this becoming clear? 

It is not about time at all, it is about ‘my mind’, the values enshrined in it. Is this becoming clear?

when you will find what is really valuable in your life, then you will find time for it. 

Do you know what is really valuable? 
Have you ever given a thought to it? 
What is really valuable in life? 
What is really important?


In a general audience there are four or five responses. Somebody say money, somebody say happiness, somebody say time.  

But there are some who ask, how do I know what is really valuable. 

There are others who are already convinced about what is really valuable. 

If money is really valuable, what would you spend most of your time doing? Dreaming about money, and that is what you do. Dream, have money, without asking that who is it that is having money and how is that money benefiting him. 

It must be from some source that you have gathered this notion that money is the most important thing. 

Somebody said, ‘Happiness’. Yes, good ! What is happiness? Is happiness that which you experience on listening a joke? Is happiness that which you experience upon achieving a target? What is happiness? Why must happiness be different for different people? Why does happiness vary for the same man at different times? 

Today, something is happiness for you, ten years back your doll was the greatest happiness for you. What is the value of such happiness that keeps on changing? What is happiness? 

One has to find out. I am inviting you to this.


When I was your age, this was one question that was so important for me – what is valuable in life? 

I was very clear that I will not commit myself to any path till this question is answered. 

How can I just start doing something without knowing that it is really valuable?

I have these few years of my life with me and I have one life. How can I spend this life doing something of which I am not convinced? 

And at the end of it, what will happen? 

If I see that I have wasted my time in pursuit that has no value at all, is that not horrible? 

You are 70 years of age, you are dying, and you realize that I have spent my life doing something that had no value. Tell me. Won’t that be horrible? And 

I am telling you 99.99% of this world faces that horror daily. 

Your so-called grown ups, the so-called successful people, the so-called super achievers, they all are realizing this every second that they have wasted their life doing something which is not valuable at all.
 

Why are people quick to jump to conclusions? 

Why do you quickly commit yourself? 

Why can’t you investigate? 

Because, you have already been told what is valuable. 

What is valuable? 

A huge car is valuable. A huge mansion is valuable. A bank statement that has ten zeros behind it is very valuable. And all these things have been told to you by your so-called well wishers! They have already filled you up with what is valuable and you are chasing that without examining whether it is really valuable. 

How can I inquire what is valuable, when I have already been told what is valuable? The inquiry has been closed.


We have been told that there is no need to inquire. 

Getting married is valuable! 
Having two kids is valuable! 
Having a house is valuable! 
Being respected is valuable! 
And you will say, ‘Yes Sir, everybody says that. Are these not valuable? 

Why should I say no’. 

I am saying that go and find out. 

Why can’t you find out that whether these things are really valuable? When you will discover what is not valuable, then that which is really valuable will start showing up. It will silently start shining. 

But first you will have to reject all that which is rubbish but you are mistakenly thinking to be of value. Are you getting it? 

So many of you believe that fakeness is valuable. 

So many of you believe that living a structured life is so valuable. 

Are we not intelligent? 

Don’t we have our own eyes. 

Don’t we have our own mind to examine. 

Can’t we go close and see whether these things are really of any importance? Will we have just beliefs for some fake values?

If you just want to believe, then why are you studying science? Does science tell you to believe or does it tell you to go close and ask questions, examine and experiment? Tell me. 

You have been told that you must always look good, you must be praise-worthy, people should say nice things about you, you should be respected.

Do you understand that what is praise? 

Do you understand that what is respect? 

Then why you should feel bad when somebody does not respect you?

Without understanding something, why have you given it so much importance? Get married. Settle down, have a family. 

Do you understand that what is marriage? 

And if you don’t understand, why you are getting restless to get married?

Why do you feel devastated if you see somebody not getting married? 

Do you know that what is really important in life? 

And if you don’t know, then open your eyes and see. 

It is not a huge secret. It is an obvious fact if only you bother to inquire. 

You are intelligent, you have the capability. Just open your eyes and see. 

I assure you that all of you are capable of looking at the facts, are capable of being in the truth, if only you are not afraid, if only you have not closed your eyes believing that I already know everything.

---

UG

  

Writte

In general, how do you get out of your comfort zone?

There is no fear of the new. There is only the fear of leaving the old. 

The old is giving you comforts, and it is as basic as that. 

It is so obvious, direct and ground level, that no explanation can be given or needed. It is the grossest thing that is there. 

It has to be obvious.

The old has taken complete control over you. You are the old. There is no part of your mind or body, that is not related to what you have been doing so far.

The old is your food, very food. It is every cell of your body. How can you leave your food? Do you see that it is as basic as that? It is the fear of leaving the food, because the old is feeding you. 


The body is a self-preserving mechanism. 

It will not allow you to do things where even your physical sustenance gets threatened. 

It is not at all about some deeply-logged dungeon of your mind. It is not at all about some subconscious tendency. It is the body. 

“What will happen to this body? Where will I live? What will I eat?” That is it.

The mind only gives rationalizations. It will not admit that it is the body. It will say, “It is this, it is that.” It will say, “Well, it is about security.” What security? It will say, “It is about relationships.” Really? Where are the relationships? “It is about name and fame.” Really? Do you really carry any name and fame?

The one who can go without food, can never be enslaved. Because that is your final fear: the physical elimination. Learn to go without food and then tell me whether the world can dominate you.

The one who can sleep on the streets under the open sky, can never be enslaved. Because that is the temptation given to you. “We will give you a cosy bed.” And then you become a bed warmer.

Refuse the bed, have the guts to sleep in the fields.

---

UG

  

What does depression feel like?

Lows are lows. The problem arises when the highs are also lows. Then all that you get is only lows. In a sine curve you ought to have lows and highs. Now lows are lows, but it becomes tragic when the highs are also lows. What is sad and depressing is indeed sad and depressing, but what was supposed to be exciting and wonderful, that too turns out to be sad and depressing. Then it is a betrayal of hope. Then it is indeed twice depressing.

This is what happens when we make a bad deal. And the mind, though it thinks itself to be a very clever businessman, always makes bad deals. The mind is a trader. It gives away something and it wants something in return. Kindly see what it gives away, and what it wants. It gives its Essence away, it gives freedom away, it gives love away, it gives simplicity and sincerity away. And what does it want in return? It wants acceptance, it wants pleasure. But it gets defeated on both counts. How?

What you are attempting to give away, is something that cannot be given away. It cannot be traded. It is your Essence. How will you trade it? It cannot be traded. So you say, “I am prepared to give up my freedom. I willingly want to be a slave.” But you just cannot give away your freedom, howsoever hard you try. Could you give away your freedom, you would not have felt any sadness in being a slave.

But when you are a slave, you feel great sadness precisely because you are still free, because your nature is freedom. So when you wear artificial slavery on the outside, it doesn’t quite fit nicely. Inside you are something else, inside you are always free, and outside you are artificially wearing slavery. Now there can’t be an adjustment between the outside and the inside. There is no harmony between how you are acting, and what you are. There is a dissonance, and this dissonance is suffering.

So on one hand you have lost, in terms of what you wanted to give away. You wanted to give it away, but you couldn’t give it away. You wanted to give away your freedom, you could not give away your freedom. You wanted to give away your essence, your simplicity, your sincerity, you could not give them away. So, you have lost. Your intentions have been defeated. Your deal got bad.

On the other hand, in a different way too, you have lost. How? By giving up your freedom, you wanted to gain pleasure and happiness. You thought that this pleasure will give you something, this pleasure will give you satisfaction, but you don’t get that also. You get only a semblance of satisfaction, a very fleeting semblance. And it doesn’t last long. The proof is: you want to move on. You now want something else. What seemed once very satisfying now doesn’t seem satisfying at all. Your search doesn’t stop. You are now desperate for the next thing. 

See how you have lost on both accounts. What you wanted to give away, could not be given away. What you wanted to attain, it could not be attained. It turns out to be such a bad deal. And the mind is such a poor trader.

When you are losing on both counts, when you are being defeated on both sides, is it any wonder that you feel depressed? Ours is the situation of a man who trades everything away, and gets nothing in return. Double depression, double debit. And this will be the punishment to all those who try to trade away the essentials of life.

Do you know how we trade them away? By setting up wrong priorities. What is a priority? A priority is a trade-off. A priority is a deal. When you say, “This is my priority,” what you say is, “I will do this at the expense of something else,” because the list of priorities is always there. When you say that something is number one in your priority, what you are saying is, “I will get this thing. And I am prepared to leave number two, three, four and five.” That is what ‘priority’ means -a trade, a deal.

Now for the mind the list always comprises of things that will give it a false sense of security, pleasure, acceptance and all that. The Essential is way down in the priority list.

If you speak to the so-called common man, and ask him to list the priorities in his life - just circulate a form and ask people to list their priorities in life - you will probably not find words like ‘freedom’, ‘truth’ etc. at all. People will write: money, car, status, job, career, this and that. You will not find words like ‘Truth’ at all.

What does the mind say? Mind says, “Truth is my fifty-second priority.” So when it is the fifty-second priority, it can be easily and cheaply traded away, right? It is not important. The mind wants to trade it away. Without realizing that Truth must be the number one priority, we very easily dispense it away. We very easily give it, and in return expect something else. 

"Let me be called respectable, acceptable. " 

"Let me give up friendship, and gain a network."

Now you don’t even know that you are making such a poor deal. 

“Let me give up Love, and gain security. Let me give up Truth, and gain respectability.”

You will be beaten at both ends. Truth – you won’t be able to give up. So it will keep calling you and disturbing you. It is very obstinate. It’s like a pestering wound – Truth. It doesn’t let you sleep. You think you have given it away: “I have traded it away.” It’s like trading away your soul - you trade it away, yet it doesn’t go. It calls you in your dreams. You can’t sleep. You think you have given it away, but it won’t let you sleep.

So what you have given away, doesn’t go away. And what you think you have obtained, is anyway worthless. Now what will you get? Depression. 

Depression means – the height is unknown to you. The only height is the core, the essence, the Self. 
The one who does not know the Self, will always be in depression. That is the definition of depression.

---

UG

  

Writt

My mind is always wavering. How can I get concentration?

Dear,

Mind doesn't waiver. It goes to the direction it is programmed to go to. Before we proceed to find out about concentration, I would, to help, introduce a term Attention.

Attention is a quality of the mind. Attention is the deep desire of the mind to understand. Understanding means settling down, becoming quiet.
Attention arises when the mind says that the ripples created by objects in mind must settle down. These objects could be:

1. a TV program
2. two people and their chatter
3. the disquiet of the mind itself

However, remember that there is a difference between attention and concentration. In attention, there is no specific object. Attention is the quality of the mind in which it is alert to everything, including itself. Hence, whatever is in its purview its its object. Alternately, there is no (specific) object. Alternately, the mind itself is its own object.

In concentration, there is a process of ego-based choice involved. Concentration is fragmentary. Concentration is upon a specific object that the ego has chosen for its benefit. Concentration does not give understanding, it only gives pleasure and satisfaction.

I have elaborated on this theme in my blog - 'Words into Silence'

I would advise you to further read from the blog on focus, concentration, attention and understanding. I am sure it would be of help.

Do let me know.

AA

  

Which people became successful despite criticism?

Dear,

Running after success, do we ever stop running?

Have you ever come across someone who says that I am finally successful now? Do you understand the meaning of the word ’finally’? Nothing after this, final, full stop! ‘I fully well and finally know that I am successful and my chase stops here - after this no more thoughts of getting this, or obtaining this.’ Have you ever come across a person who says this?

So, you are continuously running after success, without ever getting any final success. Intermittently you get the illusion of success that is alright. You did something and you felt successful in that, but it is never final. Is it ever final? Sooner than later you discover, ‘Oh my god! Not sufficient. I want more, I want more!’ And that ‘more’ never suffices.

Are we then ever successful? We are running after success, that is alright. But are we ever successful? Remember if we are actually successful, then we will stop running after success.

Are we ever successful?
We are never successful. I know that it is hard to admit.

Failures we already are, but we don’t realize it, because realizing this would hurt us very badly. Try this. Go, look at the mirror, and try telling that man or woman in the mirror that you are a failure, and see how it feels. How does it feel?

Failure means, ‘I am not chasing anymore. I have realized the stupidity of chasing. I am admitting my failure. Whenever I tried to chase, that was stupidity. I admit my failure.’ That is what failure means that ‘I admit.’
Realization of failure is success, running after success is failure.
 
Dream Success vs Real Success:
1.

Dream: The thought of success born out of a feeling of current failure.
Real: No thought; just a realization of current fulfillment.
2.
Dream: An aspiration of the future.
Real :A contentment in the present.
3.
Dream: Chasing  A>B>C>D>E…
The objects change the chase never ends.
Real : No chase is to be taken seriously.
4.
Dream: Validation required from others.
Real : Innate, no validation required.
5.
Dream: Continuous struggle and tension.
Real : Relaxation.
6.
Dream: Work and effort with tiredness.
Real : Work with playful energy.
7.
Dream: Result dependent.
Real : Result independent.

I have elaborated more on this theme in my blog - 'Words into Silence'

I would advise you to further read from the blog on focus, concentration, attention and understanding. I am sure it would be of help.

Do let me know

Why I am always restless?

Dear,

These are some excerpts from clarity session held at the office, Surely they will help you.

Speaker: If you are peaceful, if you are joyful, if you are centered, if you do not always feel like running after achievement, then no change is needed. Everything is alright.

Look at this. When you are running after achievement, what is this that you are saying? ‘I want success.’ When you say that I want change, when you say that I want success, what is that you are saying? ‘I do not accept things as they are. I want something new which I can call as success.’ That is proof enough that there is something unsettled in the mind, that the mind is wandering.

If you are constantly looking towards the future, then you already want change. ‘If I am well-settled and joyful in the present, why will I look towards the future? Obviously I want change. If I am always in the need of entertainment, if I want to watch a movie, if I want to do something that takes away my boredom, then obviously I want change. If my mind does not stay firm at one place, and is always wandering from here to there, then obviously my mind wants a change. If I sit down to do one thing and I find that the thought of another thing is coming into my mind, then obviously my mind wants change. If I keep complaining about the situations, then obviously my mind is wanting a…’ (Asking the listeners)

Listeners (everyone): Change.

Speaker: Our life is a proof that we want change. Our every single thought and action is testimony to the fact that we want…’ (Asking the listeners)

Listeners (everyone): Change.

Speaker: We all want change. We feel bored, we feel restless, and we want change. But we are looking for the change at the wrong places. We think that the change lies in the future. We think that accomplishments can give us that change. We think that by becoming something in the future, the change will come. Or we think that change lies in a person or in an object, that by getting something, by getting money, by getting a house, by getting marks, by getting a job, by getting a girlfriend, that change can come.

We are desperately in need of change, but we are mistaken in our diagnosis of what the disease is. Yes, there is a great urge in the mind to change but we do not understand that urge. We want satisfaction but we do not really know where that satisfaction comes from. So we are looking for satisfaction at all the wrong places. We are looking for that satisfaction in the entertainment, in pleasure, in company, in success, in relations. But you will not get it there.

You have to understand that what is it that makes you feel restless. Whatever makes you restless, is not your real nature. You are not born to be restless. Find out what keeps you restless and what will really help you get rid of that restlessness. Restlessness is right now. The change that you want, you want that change right now. So, restlessness is… (Asking the listeners)

Listeners (everyone): Right now.

Speaker: Restlessness is right now. But what do you say? ‘Satisfaction will be when I get a job two years later.’ If restlessness is right now, should you search for the cure two years later? If a patient is suffering right now, will you give him the medicine two years later? When should be the treatment be, if the disease is right now?

The disease is today, because you are feeling the restlessness today. So, when should the disease be cured?

Listeners (everyone): Today.

Speaker: Restlessness is right now. But what do you say? ‘Satisfaction will be when I get a job two years later.’ If restlessness is right now, should you search for the cure two years later? If a patient is suffering right now, will you give him the medicine two years later? When should be the treatment be, if the disease is right now?

The disease is today, because you are feeling the restlessness today. So, when should the disease be cured?

Listeners (everyone): Today.

Speaker: But you do not want to cure it today, you want to postpone the treatment to the future. You say, ‘I will be happy when I get respectability, when everybody will honor me.’ You say, ‘I will be satisfied when I have this and that in the future.’ This is self-deception. The problem is right now, solve it right now. Look at the problem right now. In that looking itself the problem evaporates. In that attention itself, it is found that there is actually no problem.

The problem is that I search for the solution in the future. When I stop looking at the future and look at the state of the mind right now, the mind becomes calm and then there is no problem at all.

So, we have said two things. One, it is certain that we are dissatisfied, there is restlessness, this restlessness is evident in every action. It is evident in the way we walk, we eat, and we talk to others. It is evident in the way we use the mobile phone, it is evident in the way we approach our career. It is evident that we are restless. This is the first thing.

The second thing is that we have found false solutions, false treatments for our restlessness. Those false treatments will not work. Find out the real treatment. And when you try to find the real treatment you will incidentally discover that there is no real disease.

The real disease is that you want treatment in the future. You look at the mind, and it becomes silent. Right now, as you are listening to me, there is no problem. You are alright. You are fine. But the moment the mind starts wandering, again there will be lots of problems.

This lack of attention is the problem. Nothing else is the problem.

For more clarity i would like to invite you to visit:
www.prashantadvait.com

View the session at:

Q&A:
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/why-i-am-always-restless-2/

It is said that Relationships are give and take, how?

Dear

What is a relationship? Think of it. What is a relationship? In this moment, if you and I are in complete contact with each other, then we are ‘relating’ with each other. And this ‘relating’ is the action of intelligence. The action is happening in this moment. Right? Whereas, if you and I are bonded to each other because of some element of the past – I was born in your home, or you were born in my neighborhood – then that is ‘relationship’. And relationship has no love, has no joy in it. Because there is no love in our relationships, they make us fake.

Find out whether your relationship is because you can deeply relate to people around you, your friends, your parents, sister, uncles, brothers, teachers. Are you related to others because you are in complete contact with them, or because you hold an image of them, an image which is being carried forward from the past? Are you related to others because you have been told that it is your responsibility to be with them in such and such way? And this is what is called ‘relationship’.

To read more I invite you to:
http://prashantadvait.com/2015/03/27/relationships-are-not-give-and-take/#more-6396

To view the session:

Q&A:
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/it-is-said-that-relationships-are-give-and-take-how/

Why does humanity finds only few people to care about it?

Dear, let me tell you an incident that took place when the British attacked Lucknow.
The city of Lucknow, the ruler there, Wajid Ali Shah, was busy playing chess. His generals stood in front of him and said, ‘Give us the orders to march. Give us the orders to face the British.’ The fellow said, ‘Wait. I cannot afford to lose this game.’ How can you fight the bigger battles of life when you are engrossed in the imaginary battles? How can you fight the bigger battles? The real problem, how can you look at it when imaginary ones are so heavy upon you? So what did the British do? When they captured the Nawab, they carried a procession of him through the streets of Lucknow, like a caged animal. So there was a vehicle on which his cage was kept, and that cage was provided with all the amenities, a very nice and soft mattress, pillows of the best kind and a huge chess square was kept for the Nawab. That’s our situation.

We are captured, we are in a jail but our chess piece is entertaining us. That’s the purpose of entertainment in life. So that we do not look at the jail we are in.
For most of the people, the greatest issue is, ‘Mr. Verma’s son got two marks more than my son.’ If this is the situation, then how can we be bothered that the glaciers are melting? How can we be bothered that the humanity is probably going to be eliminated in next few decades? How can you be bothered? ‘How are my hair looking?’ That’s the biggest issue for you. ‘What comment did he post on my Facebook status?’ That’s the greatest issue in your life. How does it matter to you that there is so much nuclear pile with man today that he can destroy the earth a thousand times? For you the greatest issue is, ‘Is this shade nice?’.

You know you visit one of these popular news sites. ‘What are the greatest issues that they are telling you? Ten wardrobe malfunctions that you did not see.’ Then you go and click there. That’s the heading; that’s the link. Ten wardrobe malfunctions that you did not see. Ten actresses without makeup. These are the biggest issues you must know. About what? Something.Not only these news sites, see what is happening on this very site? As you open it, there will be an advertisement  asking you to get girlfriends, will ask you to browse some photos of some models. So what all this is about?

They are telling you ten things that you must know. Who are they to educate you? But you allow yourselves to be educated by them. And then they become the real issues in your life. ‘Oh! Ten things that I must know, Oh! here too as well I can find girlfriend.’ Ten new fashion trends this summer. And girls quickly click. ‘So what is happening? Last time the in color was purple green, this time it is jasmine green. If you are wearing purple green, then you are so outdated, old. Go and buy jasmine green.’ Now she is comparing purple green and jasmine green. I don’t know how their eyes differentiate between these wavelengths. And there is the teacher who is trying to educate you about what are the real issues in life. ‘Ten fancy bikes worth having. So M.S. Dhoni is riding one, John Abraham is riding another, Robert Vadra is riding the third one, and you are looking at them. Your eyes are now glued to the screen.

Tell me. Does it matter to you that the ground water has been so damn polluted specially in states like Punjab that there is one train which goes to that state which is called ‘Cancer Express’. Does it matter to you? Do you ever talk about that? And that is not too far from here. What do you talk about? That’s what your mind is full of. The hills are being denuded. Does that matter to you?

But you will pay all your attention to all the rubbish that is there on the T.V.. You will know everything about new movie releases. You will know every bit of damn gossip that is going around. Do you know what is going on in the Middle East? Do you know that Africa is burning?
‘Have you got your hair straightened? How much did you pay?’ Real issues. ‘Are are you going around with Varun these days?’ Such an important issue.

So, It is a good idea. But that’s what, just an idea. One cannot look at this and that when there is so much happening in my own house. There is a civil war going on right where I am standing. How can I be bothered about this and that? How can I be bothered about how many animals are dying in the forests, how many species are being eliminated every day, how the global temperatures are rising due to climate change, how can I be concerned about them when I am locked in my petty issues?

For more clarity on such topics, I would like to invite you to my blog-http://prashantadvait.com/

Or, you can visit my you tube channels-
https://www.youtube.com/user/PT070378
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMgapddJymOC6MBOiOqia1A

Q&A:
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/why-does-humanity-finds-only-few-people-to-care-about-it/

What does security mean to a woman?

Dear,

Firstly, what does security mean in context of being a woman?

What is danger? Because you talk about security when you are in danger. What is danger?

Let us say, you face a snake and then the snake goes away. There are two kinds of happenings possible in this incident.

One; the snake goes away but never really goes away. Second; the snake actually goes away. It sounds like a riddle, right? I will make it simpler for you. Let’s say there is a photographic plate in front of you and a mirror and a snake passes in front of both of them. Off-course, the snake is fearful, it is a poisonous snake, it can cause death. So, there is danger, real danger. When the snake is in front of the mirror and the photographic plate, it will show up in the mirror and in the photographic plate as well. Correct? You look into the mirror and what will you find? A snake. Correct? And you look into the photographic plate and there also what will you find? The snake because the snake is there, right now at that instant.

But then the snake goes away, in a while the snake goes away. Will the mirror still show the snake? What about the photographic plate? It will still show the snake. Now the snake has caused a permanent imprint on the plate. The plate can never forget now that a snake passed in front of me. The snake is long gone, one year, two year and the snake is not returning. But the plate remembers permanently the snake has caused a permanent impression on the plate. The plate is living in perpetual fear, constant fear.

What are our minds like? The mirror or the photographic plate? Mostly like a photographic plate.

It is alright to respond to danger when danger is in front of us. When snake is there, alright, let the mind show the snake, let the mind occupy the snake when the danger is there.

But even when there is no danger, a mind full of fear remains afraid and that is hell. There is nothing, there is actually nothing but the mind is imagining so many fears. That can happen, this can happen. When you imagine so many fears then what do you want? Security.

How many of these dangers that we are talking of are actually real? Because the question of security arises only when the danger is real. To the extent danger is real, its alright.It’s alright to talk of security but why talk of security when danger is imaginary. Why act like a photographic plate? Mind has become permanently filled with fear who can’t forget what happened long time back, still living in the past. Are you getting it?

Now how do our minds act? You read of one particular instance in the newspaper and it creates a permanent imprint on our mind. Right? The mind gets full of fear and now because the mind has become fearful, it cannot be attentive, it cannot understand the reality.

Once a mind has been captured by fear, it becomes impossible for us to know the reality because an afraid mind cannot look directly. You cannot understand anything when you are afraid.

You read one instance in the newspaper and you forget that there are lakhs and lakhs of working women in a metro town, metro city. One count of twenty lakhs, what percentage does it make? A miniscule. But how do we take it? As if this is happening with everybody. As if there is a real danger in front of me. Because you are not attentive, you are not looking at it carefully. And because there is a powerful constituency, powerful forces who gain by terrifying you.

If you are not afraid why will you watch these channels that spread nothing but fear? Have you ever observed this? If you are afraid you watch further that makes you further afraid because there is powerful constituency, powerful forces who gain by terrifying you. Have you ever watched this if you are afraid? You watch more of the news that makes you further afraid. If you are afraid you watch more of the news that makes you further affected. Fearful.

When you are afraid you watch more of the news, you in fact select that news to watch that terrify you all the more and you know this. They also know this. The newspapers and the TV channels, they know all this. They know that peace does not sell. They know that calmness does not sell. They know that agitation sells. They never publish that tonight one crore people in metro slept peacefully, they will rather publish that there was some murder somewhere. Now one crore people are sleeping peacefully and that is not news. They know that this is peace and peace does not sell. But one murder sells and that will be flashed again and again.

Have you ever wondered why these newspapers are always full of only greed and murder and rapes? Only that sells because we are afraid and we want to read that. There is titillation in that. There is some kind of pleasure they derive in reading that. Is that real?

Fear is justified to the extent when danger is there, beyond that fear is just madness.

There was this Buddhist called Nagarjuna. He talked about a painter who filled his entire room with terrifying paintings painted by him. So, on one wall he painted a demon, on another he painted another horrible scene. Something here and something there and he painted that himself. And then he becomes totally afraid of what he has painted. Such is our foolishness.

First of all we create those imaginary fears and then we are afraid of what we ourselves are imagining. Are you getting it?

First of all you paint something, that imaginary thing and then you become afraid- ‘oh god how horrible!’ and you forget it is not there, you yourself has painted this, it does not exist. First you create it and then you faint. Paint and faint. That’s your life. You believe in your own lies.

First of all you lie to yourself that this is the world, such is the state of the world and then you start believing in your lies and then you cause damage to yourself and those near to you.

That is one part about security. Alright. The second part is about being a woman. Security in context of being a woman.

Security has a price tag attached to it. It comes at great cost. The price of security is freedom. The more secure you want to be, the more you have to give away your freedom.

And that has been done to women since centuries. Behind the pretext of making them safer, more secure, their freedom has been taken away. There is a great security in a cage. A bird in a cage is very safe and secure. No cat and no dog can hurt it. And the master feeds it daily, regularly, once in the morning and once in the evening. There is a great security in a cage but do you want to be in the cage or would you rather want to fly in the vast sky even if that means running a little bit of risk. Yes, what do you want? A little bit of risk but flight or great security in the cage?

Listeners (Everyone) : Fly.

Speaker: But if you want to fly there is a little bit of risk involved. An eagle can snoop down upon you, you may die and you will have to look for your food at your own. No master will feed you regularly.

Women have been made or attempted to be made very secure. And what they have been given? They have been given the confinement of a house that they stay in these four walls so that they remain secure and that has killed them. Women in order to be made secure have been given all kinds of wheels that if you wear this then you are more secure. You want to be like that or rather run some risk but live at least. Right? You are intelligent, excercise that intelligence. Alright.

I would like to invite you at www.prashantadvait.com for more clarity.

View the session at :

Q&A:
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/what-does-security-mean-to-a-woman/

I feel that I am lonely and need a friend , how to fill this loneliness?

Dear,

First of all we have to realize that what is it that we do to the company, and what is it that company does to us.

I am feeling lonely, and I get someone to be with. What will I do to that person? I will only use that person. I will use that person to fill my loneliness. That fellow will become a tool for me, a usable for me, a thing for me. And then if some other person can fill my loneliness better, then the other person would be better.

What is the purpose of this person’s presence in my life? What is the reason? Why has this person come in my life? Because I was feeling lonely. So loneliness is important. The person is really not important. Do you get this? The person is just a means to some end. What is the end? Getting rid of loneliness. Now, will I give freedom to this person?

I use this person. When I use somebody, then can I give him freedom? (Holding a mobile phone kept on the table) I use this, right? At this moment, if it wants to go and take a walk, will I allow it? Why will I not allow it? No, because I am using it. Because I am dependent on it. When you are dependent on somebody, then the relationship can never have love. Because in dependence, in an environment of dependence, there can be no freedom.

To read more I invite you to:

http://prashantadvait.com/2015/06/10/a-relationship-born-out-of-loneliness-will-cause-suffering-to-you-and-the-other/

To view the session:

Q&A:

http://www.querynanswer.com/question/i-feel-that-i-am-lonely-and-need-a-friend-how-to-fill-this-loneliness/

Does mental work too can results in “success”?

Dear, I am posting some few excerpts from my samvaad session on the same topic. It will surely help you.

Speaker-Work is of two kinds. One is the work that you have read of in your Physics book which is the expenditure of energy, the kind of work that you can measure in calories, joules and electron volts. It is the physical work. We are not to bothered about it because it is anyway happening all the time in nature. The other kind of work which is more significant is mental effort, is mental churning, is mental happening. Getting it?

These are two kinds of work. One is the activity that takes place physically. The activity that takes place physically is not really work even though your physics text-book would have made you believe so. You know there is something called as ‘basal metabolic rate’? You know even when you are sitting here, you are ‘working’? You are working physically without any mental work happening. Even as your body is burning energy, metabolism is happening, but you are not thinking about it. It is just happening on its own. You may be very peaceful, very silent, yet work is happening.
Let us take a day-to-day example. Let us say that there was a particular day in the college when you did not like attending your sessions and from eight in the morning to four or five in the evening all you did was to attend the sessions. All you did was just sit and walk, but no great physical activity. At 5 p.m., you felt tired mentally even though you had expended just two hundred kilo-calories. After 5 p.m. you go to play soccer. In playing soccer you spend a thousand kilo-calories, five times the amount you spent in the entire day. In playing soccer, a lot of physical work had happened but it did not tire you down. Because the real hard work ‘just’ happened. You were not thinking every moment that I have to chase the ball, I have to pass it, I have to do this way.

The crux of the matter is: live in understanding. When you understand something, hard work happens on its own.

So, yes hard work is the key to success but not mental hard work. Thought will not lead to success. The settlement of thought, the understanding, that is success. Thought always says, ‘I will lead to success.’ In thought success is always in the future, ‘I will lead to success.’ In understanding success is right now, in that very moment, instantaneous, immediate. ‘I have understood and I have started acting’, and that is success. ‘I have understood and because I have understood, action is simply happening. Action does not wait for my permission. It even does not ask for my intervention. I have attained such clarity that I have to act.’ Action will happen. This is success irrespective of the result. It does not wait for the result in future that in future result will come and then we will decide whether it is a success or a failure.

‘I have understood and from that understanding the action is happening and that action itself is success, right now.’ The notion that you talked of that I will work hard and in that working hard a particular result will come and that particular result will be called as ‘success’, this notion is obviously not valid. Are you getting it?

Listener 2: Why do we distinguish between success and failure?

Speaker: We distinguish between successful and failure because all our activity, all our work is only for something in the future, the attainment of which we call as ‘success’ and non-attainment of which we call as ‘failure’.

See, we never do anything for its own sake. Whenever we are acting, we are acting to attain something ahead of us. So what is important, the action or the attainment? Action is right now, attainment is in the future. Whenever we act, whenever a common man acts, it is for the sake of the attainment in the future. The action has very little value.

In our mind, in the conditioned mind, the value is given to that result, that attainment in the future. So, it is obvious that when ‘that’ result is important, the attainment of it will be called as ‘success’ and the non-attainment of it will be called as ‘failure’. But if there could be a mind, there could be man who finds joy in the action itself, then ‘success’ and ‘failure’ will have no value.

If you give importance to the result, if the result is what you are chasing, then success and failure will be of great value and all that is happening right now will only bore you down. You will never be present into it fully, because your mind will be there, ahead, something is to be attained. So, that is one kind of success, to be obtained in the future.

When success is to be attained in the future then the present does not have any value, then the action in the present does not have any value. The other kind of success is, in the present that is happening which is ought to happen. ‘I am successful right now because the action right now is arising out of my understanding.’

You can view the full session at:

  or,

you can visit my blog-http://prashantadvait.com/ for more clarity.

Q&A-
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/does-mental-work-too-can-results-in-success/

Why do I want to be motivated by someone?

Dear,

What is motivation? All motivation is external. Go into this. Motivation means an external force, an external agency, an external stimulus, is acting upon you and making you react in a certain way. Is that not what motivation is? So, someone comes and says a few words to you, those words have a certain impact on your mind and you start acting and behaving in a particular way. That is what you call as motivation. Or you watch an inspiring movie or read a fancy tale and that has a certain effect on you, a summoning of energy, and you call as motivation and you are happy with it. But don’t you see what that does to you? That shifts the ownership of your energy to that external agency.

For more I invite you to read:
http://prashantadvait.com/2014/05/17/motivation-is-slavery/

To view the session:

Q&A:
http://www.querynanswer.com/question/why-do-i-want-to-be-motivated-by-someone/