Monday, 29 June 2015

Why can't I change my behaviour?

 I am posting some excerpts from my clarity session held at Advait Sthal on the topic- why can’t I change my behavior. It will surely help you.
Speaker– You have a particular way of living. You want to talk about it. You have selectively picked up this aspect of your living for discussion, because you want to get rid of it.

We do not see that it is impossible to change just one aspect of one’s behavior and let other aspects remain the same. There are many ways in which the pattern of our mind finds expression, a thousand ways. Right? Of these thousand ways, a few pertain to my academics, a few pertain to my job, a few pertain to my beliefs about the world, about religion, about politics. But of all these thousand ways in which the mind finds expression, I pick up only two or three for discussion.

Which are these two or three ways? The ones that are the most conspicuous. Right? I do not talk of the others ways because they are either hidden, or are pleasurable so far, or at least they don’t pose any problem of any kind. Even a moral dilemma is not being posed by them. They are either socially sanctioned, or they are below the radar of your consciousness. You do not even know that these patterns exist and they come from this source. So, you are alright with them. You never talk about them.

I have never seen somebody come to me to ask, “Sir, why do I feel like going to a temple on every Tuesday?” You never mention this as a problem, because this conduct is socially sanctioned. So, it has never become a problem for you. Right? I have never seen somebody come to me and ask, “Sir, I want success. How do I get rid of this wanting?” The entire world tells you that being successful is good. So, you never think of this as a problem. But if you are chasing girls, then you will come and talk about it as a problem, especially if her brothers are a little violent.


Now it is a problem. Is this attraction towards women a problem, or is this mind that cannot see the totality of the things a problem? And often, this mind that chases girls is also the mind that goes to a temple every Tuesday; two expressions of the same knot. But going to the temple will never be labelled as a problem. Never.

In fact, when you raise this question, what you want is that ‘going to the temple’ remains intact, but the ‘girl problem’ is taken care of, or at least her brothers are taken care of. Right?

You will have to live with the consequences of what you are. You will have to pay the price. You cannot be selective about pain and pleasure. You patterns give you pleasure. But then you don’t come and complain. Or do you? But those same patterns when they give you pain, then you come and say, “I want to get rid of my pain.”(Sarcastically) Get rid of pain and protect the pleasure, that is what you want. You are very smart! Protect ambition and get rid of restlessness. Quite a demand!

Don’t try cunningness. Live through the pain, and smile. Don’t expect that you are somebody to whom these ugly things should not happen. You are exactly the one to whom all the ugliness must happen. Life humiliates you. Take all the humiliation with honesty.

“Yes, I am worthy of all this humiliation. It is coming to me because I deserve it.” And then you will no more be the same to whom the ugliness was addressed.

For more clarity on such topics, I invite you to visit my blog-

You can watch the full session here at-


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