Monday, 29 June 2015

What are the keys to a successful relationship?


What is a relationship? Think of it.  What is a relationship? In this moment, if you and I are in complete  contact with each other, then we are ‘relating’ with each other. And  this ‘relating’ is the action of intelligence. The action is happening  in this moment. Right? Whereas, if you and I are bonded to each other  because of some element of the past – I was born in your home, or you  were born in my neighborhood – then that is ‘relationship’. And  relationship has no love, has no joy in it. Because there is no love in  our relationships, they make us fake. 

Find out whether your relationship is  because you can deeply relate to people around you, your friends, your  parents, sister, uncles, brothers, teachers. Are you related to others  because you are in complete contact with them, or because you hold an  image of them, an image which is being carried forward from the past?  Are you related to others because you have been told that it is your  responsibility to be with them in such and such way? And this is what is  called ‘relationship’. 

“Be respectful towards your elders and  parents” – this is what is called ‘relationship’. “I was born in your  home, so you have given me a certain name, and now I am supposed to act  in a certain way towards you.” This can not be love. This is rubbish.  This is not love. Are you getting it? 

I am avoiding  the terms ‘relationship’, ‘friendship’ etc. ‘Relating’ happens right  now, not as a shadow of the past. In ‘relating’, there is no influence  of the past on the present. Are you getting it? 

Whom do you look at when you say, “I am  looking at a relative?” Whom do you look at? You look at the individual,  or the name of the relationship?When you say, “I am looking at my  father,” then do you look at the individual or at ‘the father’?
Be honest and admit that you look at  ‘the father’, with all the bundle of memory and everything. You fail to  look at the individual. And that is why there is no love, no connection,  no real ‘relating’. 

Business is  based on ‘give and take’. Trade is based on ‘give and take’.  Relationships are based on ‘love’. And love is giving. You don’t expect a  ‘take’ in love. This ‘give and take’ is violence. Because if there is a  ‘give and take’, then you always ‘take’ more than ‘give’, as it happens  in a business.

In love, you don’t bother about taking. When there is a need to take, you justtake. Have you ever observed that when you are with your friends? If  you have really been friends with someone, then you don’t bother about  asking, you just take. If there is something kept on his table and you  want to take it, you don’t seek his permission. You just take. And if  you seek his permission, then it is some kind of a business arrangement.  Then it is not love. 

Relationships are not based on ‘give and  take’. 

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