"Why do I get affected by others?"
You do not ask this question when someone says something good about you or when someone gives you a compliment. This question that why do I get affected when somebody says something about me, arises only when someone says something bad, something hurtful about you. When you are praised by others, then this question does not arise at all. there lies the catch.
Someone comes and tells you that you are brilliant. You are so willing to take and accept this compliment, not only willing to take and accept but internalize it. Right? Someone tells you that you are brilliant and your mind translates it as – “I am brilliant.” See the process, look at what is happening.
Now what has happened is that you have become dependent on that person for your identity. Your sense of your self is coming from that person, so now you are dependent upon him. You have opened the gates of your mind for him.
Now if you have to accept when he says that you are brilliant, you will also have to accept when he says that you are stupid, and then you will be affected. You are affected others because everything that you know about yourself as nice, has always come from others, you have never known it yourself.
Everything that you know about yourself, your entire sense of the self, is coming from others. It is a borrowed sense.
Others have told you that you are a Hindu or a Muslim. You take it and you say, “I am a Hindu.” Others have given you your beliefs, others have given you your certificates and you have internalized those things and have started believing that- “I am all that. I am that.” What? “That which the other is telling me to be.” Now, it is but obvious that if the same other will tell you that you are a stupid, that you are nobody, then you will have to take that, and you will get hurt, surely hurt.
Do not be dependent on others to know yourself.
Do not take your sense of self from the society, from the family, from education, from media, from friends, peers, from anybody. Have your own eyes to look at yourself.
Anybody and everybody who gets affected when someone hurls an abuse at him, must know that he is living a borrowed life. The very fact that you get hurt is a proof that you are living a borrowed life, otherwise you cannot get hurt.
The more you feel hurt, the more deeply borrowed your life is, the more second-hand your life is. Otherwise, if you know that this fellow is calling you something, forget about being hurt, you will not even entertain what the other fellow is saying, because you know for yourself what you are.
When you know surely for yourself, in your own intelligence, then what others say becomes immaterial. Others words are important only when you do not know yourself. Then you have to depend on others. And then others become your masters.
Read more here http://prashantadvait.com/2013/12/21/why...