What is a relationship? Think of it. What is a relationship? We are saying that the action of intelligence is, in this moment. Right? In this moment, if you and I are in complete contact with each other, this is what is called 'relating'. Whereas, if you and I are bonded to each other because of some element of the past- I was born in your home, you are born in my neighbourhood- then that so-called relationship has no love, has no joy in it.
Is your relationship because you can deeply relate to each other; whoever it is, your friends, father, sister, uncles, brothers, teachers, whosoever? Does relating to happen because the two of you are in touch with each other right now? Or are you holding an image of each other, which is carrying forward from the past? And you have been told that it is your responsibility to behave in such and such way, with such and such person, and this is what is called 'relationship'. 'Be respectful towards your elders and parents', and this is what is called 'relationship'. Now, that cannot be love. That cannot be love.
The only true relating that is possible, is that of friendliness.
I am avoiding the terms 'relationship', 'friendship' etc. It has to be happening right now, not as a shadow of the past. No past upon the present. Are you getting it? Whom do I look at when I say I am looking at a relative? Who am I looking at? That individual, or the name of the relationship.
When you say, 'I go home and I look at my father', are you really looking at that individual? Or are you looking at 'the father'? Be honest. You look at 'the father' with all the bundle of memory and everything. You fail to look at the individual. So, there can be no love, no connection, no real relating. Impossible! It is impossible! Are you getting it?
Business is based on 'give and take'. Trade is based on 'give and take'. Relationships are based on 'love'. And love is giving. You don't expect a 'take' in love. This 'give and take' is violence, because if there is 'give and take', you always want more 'take' than 'give', as happens in business. Right?
In love, you don't bother about taking. When there is a need to take, you just take. Have you observed that with your friends? If you have really been friendly with someone, you don't bother too much about asking. If there is something kept on his table, do you seek his permission? If you seek his permission, then it is some kind of a business arrangement. No, relationships are not based on 'give and take'.
The basis of relating is attention, presence and love. It is not 'give and take'.
This is taken from the source prashantadvait.com the WordPress blog where I belong.