Friday, 3 July 2015

Why it is said that -when love turns into a relationship, it goes bad?

Understand the difference between love and relationship. Love is fresh, relationship depends upon the past and is very limited. The moment you declare that I have a particular relationship with somebody , you already have a concept in mind.

Love is not a concept but husband and wife are a concept. The moment you say that somebody is my wife or somebody is my husband, you already know what that relationship means. Now it is dead, absolutely dead. Somebody has said that lovers die and on their corpses husband and wife are born. Its only when lovers are dead then the husband and wives arise.

Love is a particular quality of relating. It is right now.  It is not the concept of the mind, it is something absolutely new. It does not happen because you had thought about it, there is no background to love. That is why when it happens; it throws you off your feet. Those of us, who have had a taste of love, understand what I am saying. Because it is something which is not planned, because it is something which is not premeditated, because real love is not a thought or conceptual, that is why when it comes, it comes as a fresh breath of air.

Because love can not have a name, love is not a fixed relationship but our mind, our poor little mind, it can not tolerate the freshness of love. It has no power to live with the freshness and uncertainty of love. So, what does it do? It says that lets give a name to our relationship. Lets formalize our agreement, lets take the sanction of the society. So, the first name they will give to each other is, we are lovers, then they say that lets formalize it even more and then they will say that now we are husband and wife. And the more you are formalizing it, the more names you are giving it, the more trouble you are creating for yourself. You are thinking that all this is happening out of love. I am saying that all this is taking you out of love. You think that the relationship is born out of love, from love and I am saying that because of relationship you are moving out of love, away from love.

Have you heard that song, सिर्फ़ एहसास है ये रूह से महसूस करो, प्यार को प्यार ही रहने दो कोई नाम ना दो . Do you understand what the poet is trying to say? प्यार को प्यार ही रहने दो कोई नाम ना दो . सिर्फ़ एहसास है ये रूह से महसूस करो, हाथ से छू के इसे रिश्तों का इल्ज़ाम न दो .

Love is not duty, love is absolute freedom. In your freedom, you love. You are not compelled to love.

A lover is not constrained to produce kids but a wife must produce kids.
Have you ever wondered that in all these movies that you see,  why do all love stories end at marriage? There will be an entire love story and what happens in the end? Marriage and after that. The End. You should ask. What is happening after this? That is the real thing, show that. But then, the movie has ended, they will not show you. That now she is cleaning the clothes. That’s the real thing that you should have asked. But they are very clever. If they will start showing you that then the society’s objectives will be defeated.

The society does not want you to love. The society does not want lovers, it wants husbands and wives. The society hates lovers but it loves husbands and wives. It will say go, quickly get married. You don’t love each other, doesn’t matter. Go and get married. Marriage is good, love is bad. And marriage is a name, so is any other relationship. I am not advocating a live-in kind of a thing even that is a name, even in that there are expectations. And I am not talking of just the love between a man and a woman.
In every relationship, there are no individuals. Father and son. Do the father and son really talk to each other? No, it’s the father talking to the son, not an individual talking to an individual. That’s why sons are restless with their fathers and fathers are never happy with their sons. Because a father can never be happy with a son. An individual can be happy with another individual, not a father with a son. But, we are so eager, he is my son,he will not say that he is an individual. Have we ever seen our father as an individual?  Very difficult and that is why there is so much suffering in our relationships. That is why our relationships are so dead. We constantly feel like moving away,
certain suffocation there.

Haven’t you seen, three months of dating and the girl will start asking, when will we get married? And she thinks it’s cute. It’s monstrous. You understand monstrous. Look at her face and see the devil and run away. Run away for your own dear life. The day she says when will we get married, run away. She knows no love. Had she known love, she would not have been insecure. You know what she is thinking ? That before you go away, lets get married, that way there will be a bond.

A really loving person would say, marriage or no marriage, how does it matter? I am not even thinking of marriage. This is sufficient. This fullness of love is sufficient. Who is thinking about marriage? Marriage is such a trivial thing, who wants to talk about it? But you want to talk about it as the first thing. I have seen people who even before loving, for them loving is an action, before loving, they will check, which religion, which caste, which gotra. Now, it is alright. Now I can love. And, what is her age? She should be at least six months younger because my parents do not like the girl to be older than the boy. So, everything is verified, all checks done, and now I will love. This fellow, can he ever love? Are you loving or getting a credit card? With so many checks. My name is Alok Sharma, she looked quite pretty. I go close to her and find out her name is Razia Sultana and Alok Sharma runs heels over heads. And just two minutes back he was singing all the romantic songs and he was feeling completely in love. I have discovered the nectar of life, she is the princess of my dreams. I was always dreaming about her. The moment he comes to know her name. My goodness, there are so many traps in the world. The world is so deceptive. There should be a nameplate somewhere so that the moment we look there, we see the name plate and we are warned.

Does love look at names? Does love want names?

Let it be like a wild flower, when it grows, it just grows. It can grow even on a rooftop or by the side of small stream. Let it just grow, don’t call it anything. Don’t try to freeze it. Don’t try to limit it. It will be dead. If you try to capture a flower, what happens to the flower? If you try to capture a butterfly, what happens to the butterfly? Its gone, its dead. All you will be left with is a skeleton. You want to live with a skeleton? Then why do you want to capture love? Why can’t you just love and let it be? Don’t raise expectations, let it flow.

This is an excerpt from my blog- Don’t let love turn into  a relationship;

For more clarity, you can visit my blog-


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